My failures

Photo by Kind and Curious on Unsplash

Hi all, hope you’ve had a good weekend. I was inspired this week to think and write about my failures, after attending a work talk where a panel of senior people talked about their failures. It was really interesting and quite inspiring to hear people speak openly and show their vulnerabilities. One of the takeaways for me was that failures had made people better employees and colleagues. One of the speakers spoke about the Elizabeth Day podcast “How to Fail” which I’m sure you know and is one I enjoy listening to-if you don’t it’s a long running podcast where she invites famous people who are often seen as very successful, to talk about their failures and what they have learnt.

It got me thinking about various failures (big and small) I’ve been through-some I’ve got to a point where I’ve happily accepted where something is not going to happen, or a skill I do not have an aptitude for, and some I hold on to and feel guilty about. Some of mine are:

• Failure to drive. Now I’ve had a full license for 5 years so technically I have not failed but it took me several years to learn, several tests to pass, and I have not driven for over a year, as I have a real fear of taking control of a car. Driving is something that has never come naturally to me and makes me very anxious.  I wonder as well if I see this as a failure as it’s a skill most people succeed in and from my perspective just do without thinking, and what is wrong with me that I cannot? I’m yet to fully accept this failure as deep down I would like to tackle it.

• Failure to map read-a more light hearted one but a definite failure. I have a very poor sense of direction and just cannot read maps! You would think the age we’re living in with google maps, sat nav etc it wouldn’t matter and yes I am so glad I am of this generation and don’t have to reply on paper maps, but I still struggle and if I’m walking somewhere new and following google maps I will always turn left if I’m meant to go right. For any Friends fans I am with Joey when he has to get into the map in London! It is one of my failures I’m ok with and can laugh about-I just leave extra time if I’m going somewhere new.

• Failure to make decisions (and stick to them) I am not good when presented with lots of choice-a light hearted memory I have is a few years ago taking 40 mins in Marks & Spencer to select which dine in meal to buy as there was too much choice. I must have picked up and put down 10 options and I don’t know why but that day I just could not make a decision on which one to go for, and then live with that very small and meaningless choice! There is something deeper around me not having much confidence in decisions I have made and living with them.

• Failure to use PowerPoint to its full effect-a work related one but in my job creating slides to present information is common and I just don’t have the IT or creative skills to make slides “pretty”. I don’t want to stereotype but as I am still “youngish” I’m often asked by more senior, older people to knock up some slides and make it pretty and inwardly groan-I am much happier just writing a paper on boring old Word! One of the reasons I would go for more senior positions is then I could hopefully delegate this task.

• Failure to be in the moment. I’m hoping this is one I share, but most of the time I am either fretting about something that happened in the past that I cannot change, or thinking ahead to something in the future. I have to really focus even to sit and enjoy a meal without thinking too much, or on holiday I have to make myself take in the scenery and put my phone down.

I’ve found this interesting to explore-what do you see as a failure and what have you learnt?

Reading

This week I finished “The Cloisters” by Katy Hays. I got it to get me in the mood for New York as it’s set in a museum called The Cloisters, the Metropolitan Museum’s gothic museum and garden in uptown Manhattan, famous for its medieval and Renaissance collection. It’s about a new employee at the museum and how she is drawn into a power struggle. The author is a writer and professor of art history, and has worked at several art institutions. This is her first novel but I really got her sense of understanding of working in a museum, and passion for art. I really enjoyed it.

Running

I did Park Run yesterday which was great (all encouraged to wear red, white, or blue for the Coronation) and got a PB! I tried hard for a sprint finish and only stopped once during the 5k so was quite pleased! Although was outsprinted by several children-is it me or do children have longer legs than when I was a child?!

I have a work 10k this week and haven’t done a 10k for quite a few weeks so hoping my legs manage it. The weather also doesn’t look great but the fact I’ve signed up and colleagues are taking part will get me through.

Thanks for reading, and have a good week,

Sian